RELATIONAL GROWTH

The most rewarding, and at the same time, the most challenging thing in a human's life, are other people. Learning to relate to others, both on the surface level and on the deeply intimate level, is a continuous learning process for us all. To grow in the ability to connect - and to remain connected and not withdraw - is in many ways the whole point of being human.

THE ORIGIN

Evolution has shaped both our individual self-serving organism of early life-forms, to our relational and complex social being who survives through group co-operation and joint effort. We carry both. However, nothing is as central to being human as belonging. Being part of the herd and the tribe has meant survival or death. Our biology knows this intimately. Few things feel as threatening to our being as the danger of expulsion or being left behind. This is the reality of the helpless newborn, and also of the highly functional and successful adult.

THE DISCONNECT

When our bodies perceive that we may lose our belonging, measured through the real or assumed rejection of others, our survival system kicks in. Whether it's shame, fear or anger; our fight-or-flight system is activated in order to deal with the situation. But this system is based on instinct. It stems from an earlier part of our evolution. It is the most base information available to our inner social animal. But it is not intelligent in itself. In our highly complex world where very little is about survival, and most of human existence is pastime, this reactive system is triggered out of context and gets so loud that we cannot perceive what else is going on. Our emotions - and the consequent interpretations of the mind - take most of our attention. And in practice this means we are disconnected from relational life and unaware of what is truly taking place.

THE ALONENESS

Due to our biology, we remain stuck in our own subjective and very personal experience of relational dynamics and interactions. There is (unfortunately) only partial overlap with the experiences of those we're relating to in any moment. In other words: we think we're having the same experience as the ones we're with, but in practice we're all solo-tripping together. This also happens in joyful or pleasant situations because the signals of our own inner world are so loud, and our identification with those signals is so total. We can compare this to those fleeting moments of deep harmony or connection in deep intimacy or sexual abandon when the boundaries of our separate self fade for a short while. Instead most of our lives are lived in partial disconnection from others. Only when radical change to our inner system and the ability to sense beyond the noise of our emotional and mental signals subside, is anything else possible. Only when this has fundamentally changed can we look back and understand how utterly alone we were even when surrounded by others - and see the same phenomenon present in everyone around us. And how everyone longs to be confirmed, seen and loved.

THE INTIMACY

There is an invitation here to fathomless deepening into connection, intimacy and mutual understanding. But it requires a willingness to step away from the "truth" that our emotions insist on, and the insistence of our thoughts about, and mental interpretations of, those around us. It is a journey into meeting and experiencing our inner emotional world from a place of responsibility for it, and an unwavering dedication to not get caught in the projection onto others that our instincts insist on. We learn to bring our emotions into our relations and become transparent in them. They do not control us, but they do not create distance by pushing others away either. They become our main tool to remain in connection, presence and listening. Even when our systems are filled with rejection, pain, aggression or sorrow. And through it we move from self-serving to generous. And we discover a warmth and an intimacy with the world that is the true human love we are here to celebrate and pass on.

SUPPORTING YOU THROUGH COACHING

Work we me in order to deepen your connection to your own inner world and expanding your ability to understand and navigate the presence - or seeming absence - of emotions.

Learn to discern the valuable information that they contain rather than acting out their misunderstandings and pain.
Learn to increase capacity and resilience for the full spectrum of emotions in yourself.
Learn to tolerate and hold space for the difficult and joyful emotions of others, including in intimate relationships.
Become a safe haven for others to lean into and trust your loving heart and humanity.
Develop your intimacy and sexuality to an embodied and fulfilled place.
Learn to understand and harness your annoyance, anger or rage and turn it to boundaries, honesty and power.
Learn to understand and create true safety and security in yourself so the fear doesn't hold you or those you love back.
Learn to understand and release the true source of sorrow and despair to move on in life.
Learn to let the joy, freedom and ease move without hindrance to bring you home to your purpose.